, , , , , , , ,

It never fails.  Every single day I see at least one pair of shoes whether on a television show, in a commercial, magazine, or on someone’s feet that gives me goosebumps ,butterflies or spark some sort of erotic response inside me.  Often it is embarrassing when I find myself outright smitten by the sexiness of a shoe.  I sometimes feel my eyes intensely affixed on another woman’s shoes or catch myself staring adorningly down at my own, obsessively.

"I'm Having Nasty Thoughts Now"

I am not saying that all shoes set a burning flame inside me.  Clearly not all shoes are created equally.  Specifically, stilettos, wedges, ankle and high-heeled boots have an effect on me that causes moments of ‘orgasmic paralysis ’.   In each moment of my orgasmic paralysis, it is as if I can hear, feel, smell, and even almost taste the true essence of the woman God intended for me to be.  Sitting, standing, walking into the fullness of short and graceful strides — I AM WOMAN, phenomenally.

What in hell is really going on with me? I lay in bed day dreaming and fantasizing about all the shoe offspring’s of McQueen, Kirkwood, Skovgaard, Lorenzi, and Louboutin and then find myself full and consumed with the anticipation of  being forever branded by an unquenchable thirst to feel them pressed against my feet, cupping my toes and heels as if to explore my woman-ness. Feet don’t fail me now!

Food, sleep, oxygen, money and sex are vital to well being (not necessarily in that order). Nonetheless, I would not be as forthcoming if I failed to mention shoes as an important part of my well-being.  Now here is the real dilemma…in order of importance where would shoes, food, or oxygen fall?  OMG!  What if I could not have all of those? What if I could only choose two or three?  Oh No!

I am fully aware that these emotions may seem somewhat excessive and strange, but I venture to say—this is part of an invisible something that drives me and I am certain other women to the precipice of shoe neurosis. It is common knowledge that the degree of shoe obsession and compulsion varies between women. For some, 10 – 20 pairs may suffice where others may require hundreds, thousands or “… one thousand and sixty” . I guess its all relative.

When it comes to stilettos, pumps, wedges, sling backs et cetera I think we decide not on a rational or logical level but on a basic and carnal level—they simply make us feel SEXY.  Alternatively, they are wonderful to look at even if we do not have anywhere to wear them. Therefore, I have accepted that there is nothing wrong with buying a pair of shoes just for the hell of it.